I wanted to write this in a way that would be beautiful, put together and inspirational, but I am not at that place. What I do have to offer is honesty, and my prayer is that it helps someone. In all actuality, my prayer is that it helps me.
We live in a society where sexual brokenness is running rampant, but few people address it as such. For Christians, our following of the sexual norms of the world is as simple as lust and lack of self-control. I am thankful that I have a few people in my life who don't diminish it to that completely. In certain moments, I am acting without self-control and find myself in a very sinful place (read: a bed that is not my own), but other times, I am in my bed or maybe on my knees before God and I feel far from whole.
The act of sex is a physical manifestation of our issues, but can we talk about those issues? Can we talk about the countless people in church week in and week out who go home to sort through issues with sexuality and sexual behavior alone in shame?
I wish it didn't take me three years to open up to people for help with homosexual behavior and thoughts. When I decided to be honest about it, the amount of people who understood this very struggle was mind-blowing. Why though? Sex is a very real part of life and a very real struggle, but it seems like the shame of engaging in it silences people into silos. But life and death is in the power of the tongue.
I know people who struggle with sexual sin in countless ways, but the majority of them struggle through it alone or with a few trusted friends. Far too many of those people are convinced that there is nothing deeper to their actions and they just need to stop.
What about people who are dealing with the same things? Can we talk to each other? From conversations with people who have been where I am, I've learned that I have a lot more to sort through than the sex/gender of the person I am sleeping with.
I'm not saying there isn't already someone doing it, but there is something very powerful about being in community with people who are open about the fact that they have been where you are. It helps to have people who can understand your bad days because they've had them, but still admonish you to surrender to God.
Talking, listening and praying with friends who engage in premarital sex with boyfriends, girlfriends, exes or strangers has given me clarity on many things, but a few of them are as follows.
Sexual brokenness can manifest in a multiplicity of ways, and most of those are destructive and dangerous. As fun as it may seem or feel in that moment, we are doing real damage to our souls. God has created a strong union that can support the passions that sex brings, and that is marriage between a man and a woman. That's just the truth; sex in any other way is not God's best and will only hurt us in the end. He has also created a powerful vehicle for healing, and that is testimony. I have witnessed it and I pray you will too.
In recent times, I decided that I would be silent and no longer be accountable to the people who are supporting me, and I have already seen hints of the destruction that will ensue. I am writing this to us because our silence is our continued bondage. I am writing this to counteract the lies that I have started believing about my interactions with the people keeping me accountable. I am writing this for my freedom.