The Focus of Your Singleness
Very frequently, we think of singleness as a time that we aren’t tied down to anything or anyone; as a twenty-something with no children and no significant other, this time is about me doing what I want to do, right? Wrong. It is very wrong and I have realized that so much more clearly lately: I have been doing what I want. There are two major unhealthy attitudes that many Christian singles have toward marriage:
- I am single and preoccupied with the idea of marriage.
- I am single so I am going to “turn up” before I have to settle down.
For the purpose of this post, single is defined as unmarried.
Webster and google define single as: unmarried or not involved in a stable sexual relationship.
The second clause of that definition is a key reason why the focus of our singleness(as Christians) is off. Society/the world equates a “stable sexual relationship” to marriage, but this is skewed at best. A “stable sexual relationship” outside of marriage doesn’t exist.
As Christian singles, we aren’t as single as we think. We are dedicated to someone, we are joined to someone, and that someone is Christ Jesus. As singles, we don’t have a spouse to base decisions off of or consult before making moves; we have so much freedom to serve God. If I wanted to right now, I could get up and go serve in Asia, or South America; I don’t have a husband to consider.
I believe if we see our singleness as a time where we are with God instead of a time where we aren’t with anyone, we will be so much better off. I am with God now, and prayerfully one day my husband will join us, and there will be three. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday, and while we were discussing the practice of some millennial Christians going partying and drinking after service, I said, “it’s almost like we are cheating on God”, and she strongly agreed. How would I feel if my significant other just came to spend time with me and when he left, he went to another girl’s house? I would feel like he wasn’t totally committed to me, as if he had one foot in this relationship and one in another.
This could very easily turn into a book, so I will leave you with four tips that helped me to positively shift the focus of my singleness.
1. Break Up
In order to enter into relationship with God, you have to end your relationship with the world. We can’t do God on Sundays and then do the world throughout the rest of the week. When you end your relationship with the world, you can’t“still be friends”. There will be no break up to makeup, or else you will never have the opportunity to fully commit to God. Sometimes when we end relationships, we know it isn’t really over. Then there comes a time when we know we’re at the point of no return and we cannot go back into that relationship. THAT is the type of breakup we need with the world. One of the messiest, most uncomfortable breakups, so that you are done with the world, done with her friends and her family, and all plans you made with the world are now shattered and you have to begin again.
Then you begin, with God. In church, at home, at school, at work or asleep; our commitment to God remains. We do not go in and out of relationships with people depending on the day, why would this be acceptable with God? It isn’t. No matter where we are, no matter who we are around, we are in relationship with God and so our speech, our conduct, our decisions and our attitude should reflect that. It may be a very bold statement or a simple smile at a stranger, but remember whom you represent.
3. Stop viewing your single season as a waiting period.
To wait is : to stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens. You are not WAITING for anyone. You are not standing around shiftlessly waiting for Mr. Boaz or Ms. Proverbs 31 to come into your life; you are LIVING. You are not a lowly unwed person who is just waiting for a spouse so you can come alive. You have so much within you at this point, and you are of just as much importance to the Body of Christ as the married couple that you admire most (for me it would be Mr. and Mrs. Sproul).
Live your life and fulfill your purpose, and if God has a husband or wife for you; he or she will come. Get up in the morning and make it your purpose to complete all of the work that God has given you before the day is over. Allow God to mold you into who He needs you to be during your single season; this is the perfect time to create healthy practices and routines for yourself.
In the beginning of this post I addressed two common attitudes of young Christian singles. Here’s a 3rd, the one I am trying to embody.
3.I am single and using this time to dedicate my entire life to Christ; if I am called to marriage I will go, but for today I am called to singleness.